Day 58 #600DayDiary : Back to medicine for now! #healing #choices #holiday

Short & sweet!!
After another poor night sleep, I realised I was risking not being able to go on holiday this weekend! That required action!

Much as I wanted to heal naturally, avoid any side effects & stop taking the anti-inflammatory tablets … It was becoming pretty clear that I needed to take them again.
After a call to my GP, I am back taking them!

and by the afternoon, made sure I did my full physiotherapy exercises …. I’ve been off work, at home this week on annual leave – which I know was adding to my frustration – I wanted to be out doing & enjoying my time off.
However they key thing now is to appreciate I’ve had this time off and can ensure I’m feeling good enough to board a plane Saturday 😀
I tried … it clearly was just a little too soon to go totally natural remedies for healing!
I will give it another go after my holiday though 😀

Day 57 #600DayDiary : Relaxing when you feel distinctly unrelaxed! @KublerRoss @annavitals #changecurve #exercise

How often have you known what you need & yet resisted it?
It’s incredible how quickly things can change. Today I know I require to relax, to help improve my symptoms.

I’ve had another difficult night’s sleep & am in pain again. I can feel that a relaxation & meditation would really support me and yet … I’m resisting it and telling myself I don’t feel like it / don’t feel well enough.
Quite a paradox to be aware of what I require & resist it at the same time! And I’m not proud of myself that I defaulted to a poor reaction ….

It took eating that piece of toast & jam (not usually part of my diet) for it to click that I was rushing through the Kübler Ross change curve!

Background on Elisabeth Kübler Ross’s Change Curve (originally based on stages of grief) HERE
I also acknowledged that although meditation/relaxation seemed like what I should do , I just didn’t feel in the right frame of mind to approach it.
When encountering resistance … It’s always great to ask – what else?
What were my other options of how to achieve a more relaxed physical state to help ease my discomfort?
I LOVE this infographic from Anna Vital

and although I also love this cartoon 🙂

when I allowed myself a moment I knew it was progressive relaxation – the tightening & relaxing of different muscle groups , followed by a gentle version of my physio exercises, that would best help me access a more relaxed state.
I put on one of my favourite mediations, using it more as background & lay one the floor, gradually tensing & relaxing different muscle groups, breathing in deeply & exhaling. I gradually felt like trying the gentler version of my physio and although it was no earth shattering fitness routine – the gentle movement did me the works of good. My mood improved & I felt more positive again, even if the symptoms were still there.
This was all then beautifully supported by the delicious nutritious dinner, that was lovingly prepared for me that evening.

Seabream – yum! ❤

Day 56 #600DayDiary : Finding positivity on painful days @NYR_Official #family #massage #love

I wasn’t really sure what to write here today at first….
If you look back at the introduction to this 600 Day Diary, this was originally intended to be about the journey I was on and the surgery I was facing – having been told it can take 2 years to fully regain strength after surgery.
Happily, I dodged the need for surgery 😀 – however, it seems I forgot that my natural healing journey still has a long way to go. I woke up about 3am in pain & discomfort.

Perhaps going back into the office environment?, beginning to socialise a little more again?, enjoying trying my clothes on / seeing my physical shape change & tone up ( as a lovely bonus to my physio & healing ) ??, coming off my medication? Perhaps a mix of all these factors?

I’m in pain, discomfort, not really able to settle & I guess … Frustrated with myself ...
Thankfully I have a wonderful loving family & my talented caring mum is visiting. She noticed the change in my mood & a dip in my usually positive disposition.
She offered me a loving gift that I’m so lucky she’s skilled at ❤
An aromatherapy massage using gorgeous Neal's Yard Geranium & Orange massage oil.

I’m still unsettled & puzzling as to where this set back is coming from, however I feel so grateful for my fab family & the gorgeous nurturing nourishing scents of geranium & orange x

Day 55 #600DayDiary : When a distraction can be a very positive thing. #healing #choices

Have you ever felt symptoms, not been quite sure of what was wrong & before you’re even really aware, your mind has begun to present different scenarios of what it could be?
Well before going down too far down that slippery slope, I noticed this morning that “something didn’t feel right”. For about 10 days now I’ve been getting a light tightness in my right chest, on & off. I’d had a chat with my doctor earlier this week and she’d mentioned that anytime now, I could choose to reduce the anti-inflammatory tablets I’ve been taking.
I’ve never been one to like to take tablets, so I took this new odd symptom as a good reminder and yesterday – I stopped taking the Diclofenac.
Then this morning I gently walked into town alone (about 1 mile) and part way in, I realised I didn’t feel “great” – I couldn’t clearly define what or why. Tingling, odd sensation in my foot/leg, general discomfort, rather than pain.
I realised I didn’t feel confident walking back ( up to now I have been noticing great improvements & am usually more than capable of walking that distance).
I was really unsure – were these physical symptoms I needed to heed or psychological ones because I knew I’d stopped taking the tablets for example?

I realised what I needed was a positive distraction!
my reason for walking in to town was already to meet a great friend for a coffee and once we’d caught up & spent some time together, I told her how I was feeling. I shared, more then I usually would, I told her I was worried about the walk home & was considering getting a taxi (!!!?)

Then, I took an important step for myself (excuse the pun!), I told her what help I would really appreciate. I asked her if she’d mind accompanying me on the walk home. (The opposite direction for her).

I knew, that if I had her company, I would manage the walk and wanted to prove it to myself – her company & support meant a lot and our conversation along the way, also provided a lovely distraction from my symptoms.

Day 54 #600DayDiary : Sorting & clearing brings a blast from the past! @ella_carey Have you created a time capsule? #memories

Have you ever had that experience when a song or a scent can transport you back to a specific moment – a clear memory – as if you were there?
I had that today when I sorted through a box labelled “miscellaneous“
I’ve lived in my lovely home now for 7 years and I realised, there were still a few boxes in the garage that I’d never sorted out from when I’d moved in!!
Now I know …. I can hear some of you saying “if you haven’t needed it for 7 years, just throw it all out without looking”. I didn’t want to do that!! 🙂

So instead, I identified that there were 3 boxes and I’d sort through them over several evenings – I opened the 1st and found it quite quick to do … Mostly CD’s that have long since been loaded onto iTunes (I remember the days I dreamt of getting a Saturday job in a music shop, because all my student earnings seemed to be spent either there or on getting photos developed!! 🙂 )

The 2nd …. Hmmmm lots of papers & redundant things that did need clearing out!
The 3rd was the most innocuous. It was one of those grey cardboard office storage box, medium size

I opened the lid, expecting to need to be brutal or get the shredder out … Instead I found I’d inadvertently created a time capsule from circa 1994 – 1999!
Gig tickets (apparently called a “music map” if I can stick them in an album or something! 😉 ), letters ( including a particularly poignant beautifully written letter from my boyfriend at the time!), photos, trinkets, a little pocket book diary of events that had seemed vitally important at the time! 😀
I was no longer sorting through a grey storage box … I was gazing at a time capsule – a snapshot of my life, including time I’d spent abroad. Memories to be treasured! I’d been transported through time by lifting the lid of this box

In fact, this then led me to discover something else ….
While writing this diary post, a Google search including the words Paris & Time Capsule led me to this novel by Ella Carey, The Paris Time Capsule published in April this year … So I felt compelled to buy it! I especially like the fact it’s inspired by a true story – looking forward to reading it!

In the meantime, I need to find a more fitting box for my own time capsule 😀

Day 53 #600DayDiary : #icebucketchallenge @mndassoc @RichardBranson @sirpatstew #Fudgethedog @macmillancancer

I first became aware of the #icebucketchallenge via @RichardBranson ‘s Twitter feed, where he nominated all of the teams @Virgin to follow suit.

I saw this challenge spread friends/celebrities/public figures filling social media streams with their inventive take on the challenge

Then, 3 days later I received a nomination from one of my best friends and I noticed her charity donation was for Macmillian – so I decided to look into this further.
I knew I’d seen mention of ALS being the charity the challenge wanted to raise awareness of, however other causes were being mentioned too.
I now know that ALS is the American equivalent of MND Association Motor Neurone Disease , here in the UK and then different people, when nominated were choosing which charity they wanted to donate too, hence other charities like Macmillan popping up.

If the viral campaign raises awareness of a lesser known cause ALS / MND , as well as raising funds for ALS / MND and many other charities, that can only be a good thing.
I was concerned about the water wasting aspect – so for my brother’s we got him out on the lawn to water the garden at the same time – quite a different approach to Matt Damon’s excellent video, raising awareness for his charity water.org
Although this charity viral phenomenon has been whirring around the internet for a while now, I’ve not watched many (I helped film my brother’s though 😉 )
My favourites that caught my eye have to be @SirPatStew

The epitome of sophistication with his take on the ice bucket challenge on You Tube
and …… (Hmmm, feels odd to place a legend of stage & film on a par with a dog from Scotland!, but there you go I’ve just done it 😉 )
Fudge the dog , as filmed & brilliantly edited by Jack Proctor in his excellent You Tube video
As for my #icebucketchallenge ?
Well, in work I offered – I said if they arranged an ice bucket – I’d do it before I left the office & they could film it for our team newsletter … it didn’t get it organised in time … And, although tempting, I guess it could be career limiting to have nominated the CEO & CFO 😉
Instead, I made sure I learnt more about ALS / MND & made the charity donation too 😀

Day 52 #600DayDiary : Trust your instinct – make strong choices. #careerconfidence #choices #instinct

So, I’ve been back in the office for 8 days, I knew something was changing … I’d sensed it my 1st or 2nd day back, when my boss (who is excellent & i’ve learnt a lot from in the last 18 months) was sort of avoiding discussing some key projects with me 😉 He’d have a lovely chat about some of the general projects, his new house, or literature etc … just neatly avoid specifics on a key project I was leading in our team & interested to receive updates on.

I decided to choose flow, rather than force and adopt a positive & proactive approach : get on with what I knew were my priorities and schedule a 1:1 review with him for my 2nd Friday –
to allow enough time for any mystery to reveal itself 😉

I’ve been doing my best to leave the office on time the last 7 days, to take care of myself in this transition period, so today, as I was packing up to leave, I heard my boss approach and those fateful words “Have you got a minute?”

FLASHBACK to about 2 years ago, I’d been placed in a similar position. My prior boss had taken me to one side and said I was being offered a new role that if I took it would “put me in a favourable position for promotion next time around“. I asked how long I had to decide – they said they needed to know the next morning.
That time – 2 years ago – I said yes … I felt obliged, pressure, sense of duty, desire to help, I felt I SHOULD …whatever it may I have been, I said yes and the instant I did, I felt sick – almost as if in the act of saying yes, my body knew in its every fibre that I was going against my gut / my instinct. I noticed the reaction and said, “actually I need a minute”.

I took myself on a walk outside for 5 minutes, the knot in my stomach was still there and I knew clearly I did not want this job …. The problem was big corporate career machines generally prefer a better response than “I’m not sure why, my instinct is just telling me this really isn’t the job for me”.
I wanted to say “I didn’t apply for this job, so do I really need to give a reason?”
So, I found myself phoning a trusted colleague / coach at work, she was fabulous & took the time out for a quick coffee with me. I already knew what I had to do, she helped me knock the rough edges off my response 😉
By the next morning, I gave my response. The management were surprised, it went contrary to their expectations – why would someone turn down a role that promised clear promotion in 2 – 3 years time?
I wasn’t entirely clear either, however I just knew that particular move wasn’t the right one for me at that time.
Why am I sharing all this?
To demonstrate the value of experience and how we can build confidence in trusting our instinct, through experience & choosing when to take those steps into unknown.
And also that about 4 months later I was offered the role I am currently in …. after I’d taken the initiative to explore what new & different opportunities were out there and make it known which areas I WAS interested in.
It led me to this role where I get to speak Italian regularly at work (one of my passions) and I got to spend several months in Rome last year …… definitely not something I’d foreseen at the time of turning down the other job 😉

So, when faced with a VERY similar situation – this time I knew what to do … Listen & trust my instinct.

Even if you don’t know all the what/why/where/how 🙂
When do we ever truly have all the information about every choice we make?
All I know is, this time, I was made an offer – given 36hrs to decide (making me smile that the Friday 1:1 meeting I’d put in was perfectly timed & now became the career discussion meeting!).
I made the decision, guided by my instinct.
I feel happy & excited about my choice …. A much better feeling than sick 🙂
Let’s see how it unfolds 😀

Photo credits

Day 51 #600DayDiary : Your ideal chillout playlist? @jackjohnson @newtonfaulkner @benhoward @morcheeba @emelisande

It’s time to relax & unwind 🙂

How do you love to relax? Music? reading? sport? that covers a multitude of activities! ;), time with friends & family? a soak in the bath? down the pub? meditation? getting out into the countryside?

Actually …. and perhaps more importantly – How do you become aware when you require to relax? Do you have a daily ritual or routine to start your day or unwind at the end of the day?

I’ve really noticed this week, that incredibly quickly I’ve been drawn back into the corporate psyche (still love this TED Talk on the topic ), gradually increasing my hours as the week goes on, decreasing my focus on relaxation (& physio!).
I left work this evening, really pleased with the day I’d had and how I’d gone about it …. however aware that my mind was still swirling with thoughts about work topics a couple of hours after getting back home.
It reminded me of an old KitKat advert that said ” no one ever looked back on their life and said – ‘ I wish I’d spent more time in the office!’ Have a break, have a KitKat” I wanted to change this 😀 and I knew exactly how …

I enjoy many different ways of relaxing – however sometimes I find it difficult to feel in the right mood to meditate or maybe it’s raining, so going out for a walk isn’t as appealing 😉
The one that NEVER fails for me is a great playlist 🙂

I have different playlists for different moods / activities and today I felt like listening my chillout playlist …. I begin to relax the instant Banana Pancakes or Love Is Rare comes on 🙂
I’d love to know any chillout tracks you’d recommend or your go to playlists on Spotify?

Day 50 #600DayDiary : Promotion & proactive vs Privacy?

What an interesting day! A great start to the day, because I’d scheduled a long overdue catch up,with a colleague & friend who just moved to a new role.

I returned to my desk to find an email had arrived from a recruitment agency I’d never heard of, about a job I’d never applied for : “Contact me for more details on this or other similar opportunities”
Later in the day … My phone rings

A different recruitment consultancy specifically asking to speak with me about job opportunities.
I asked him how he got my details and it was pretty straightforward – LinkedIn and then disliked my company switchboard.
How do you respond to this? Do you view it as proactive initiative on the part of the recruitment consultant? Or an unwanted intrusion of privacy?
This resonated further when I got hone to find I’d been tagged in someone’s Facebook photos – nothing to do with me, just as their over enthusiastic way to promote their latest venture. Not a major issue – just another reminder of the fine line between proactive, promotion & invasion of privacy.

A great reminder is to ask yourself “Is this my information to share?”
I may not always get it right myself, however I do aim to ask that question before including images of family/friends etc – or asking their permission.

Time to refine so few privacy settings 😉

Day 49 #600DayDiary : Value your value :) #Value

A common theme that emerged today was value … It seems to have come up in several conversations. Or was I just more attuned to it today? 😉

It began with a conversation in the morning with a member of my family. They were telling me about how they believed someone they did a lot for didn’t value particular things they did for them. I listened for a while & then I gently tried to ask questions ( perhaps it’s the natural Coach in me! ) – as what I was hearing ( in my opinion ),was someone who was seeking confirmation of their value – from someone else – rather than from themselves.
How many times have we all done that?

Then during the say at work, I had 2 or 3 conversations with people who brought up this very similar theme.
They felt demotivated, even slightly resentful, because what they were doing – wasn’t being valued. At work – we find that out through structured measured appraisals, where we are given a rating – and when that rating doesn’t align to how you feel it should – well then, it can trigger a strong reaction. I got into a longer conversation with 1 colleague about : how do your personal values compare to the values of the company you work for?

If the 2 are wildly different, then it will be much harder to receive recognition for things you value …

Ties in quite well to many aspects of this TED talk from Nigel Marsh on Work Life Balance
All these conversations, reminded me again that the key thing is for ourselves to be clear, confident & happy with our own values – so that what we do & how we do it feels right for us – then – even if we get feedback from corporate appraisal measures or social interactions that challenge our values – we are clear , happy & confident in the choices we’ve made.

My family member helped someone regularly check if the colours matched in their outfits – the other person was colourblind & without this check, would happily walk out unaware their clothes colours were mismatched. And that was the key here. The person offering help, could see the value from their perspective. The colourblind person, was unaware & happy either way – so they didn’t place as much value on the help they were receiving.
So, the next time you question if what you are doing is of value – make sure you are clear who you expect it to be of value to & that you would be happy to do it regardless 😀 because the only person who can truly know your value … Is you xx