Day 57 #600DayDiary : Relaxing when you feel distinctly unrelaxed! @KublerRoss @annavitals #changecurve #exercise

How often have you known what you need & yet resisted it?
It’s incredible how quickly things can change. Today I know I require to relax, to help improve my symptoms.

I’ve had another difficult night’s sleep & am in pain again. I can feel that a relaxation & meditation would really support me and yet … I’m resisting it and telling myself I don’t feel like it / don’t feel well enough.
Quite a paradox to be aware of what I require & resist it at the same time! And I’m not proud of myself that I defaulted to a poor reaction ….

It took eating that piece of toast & jam (not usually part of my diet) for it to click that I was rushing through the Kübler Ross change curve!

Background on Elisabeth Kübler Ross’s Change Curve (originally based on stages of grief) HERE
I also acknowledged that although meditation/relaxation seemed like what I should do , I just didn’t feel in the right frame of mind to approach it.
When encountering resistance … It’s always great to ask – what else?
What were my other options of how to achieve a more relaxed physical state to help ease my discomfort?
I LOVE this infographic from Anna Vital

and although I also love this cartoon 🙂

when I allowed myself a moment I knew it was progressive relaxation – the tightening & relaxing of different muscle groups , followed by a gentle version of my physio exercises, that would best help me access a more relaxed state.
I put on one of my favourite mediations, using it more as background & lay one the floor, gradually tensing & relaxing different muscle groups, breathing in deeply & exhaling. I gradually felt like trying the gentler version of my physio and although it was no earth shattering fitness routine – the gentle movement did me the works of good. My mood improved & I felt more positive again, even if the symptoms were still there.
This was all then beautifully supported by the delicious nutritious dinner, that was lovingly prepared for me that evening.

Seabream – yum! ❤

Day 56 #600DayDiary : Finding positivity on painful days @NYR_Official #family #massage #love

I wasn’t really sure what to write here today at first….
If you look back at the introduction to this 600 Day Diary, this was originally intended to be about the journey I was on and the surgery I was facing – having been told it can take 2 years to fully regain strength after surgery.
Happily, I dodged the need for surgery 😀 – however, it seems I forgot that my natural healing journey still has a long way to go. I woke up about 3am in pain & discomfort.

Perhaps going back into the office environment?, beginning to socialise a little more again?, enjoying trying my clothes on / seeing my physical shape change & tone up ( as a lovely bonus to my physio & healing ) ??, coming off my medication? Perhaps a mix of all these factors?

I’m in pain, discomfort, not really able to settle & I guess … Frustrated with myself ...
Thankfully I have a wonderful loving family & my talented caring mum is visiting. She noticed the change in my mood & a dip in my usually positive disposition.
She offered me a loving gift that I’m so lucky she’s skilled at ❤
An aromatherapy massage using gorgeous Neal's Yard Geranium & Orange massage oil.

I’m still unsettled & puzzling as to where this set back is coming from, however I feel so grateful for my fab family & the gorgeous nurturing nourishing scents of geranium & orange x

Day 55 #600DayDiary : When a distraction can be a very positive thing. #healing #choices

Have you ever felt symptoms, not been quite sure of what was wrong & before you’re even really aware, your mind has begun to present different scenarios of what it could be?
Well before going down too far down that slippery slope, I noticed this morning that “something didn’t feel right”. For about 10 days now I’ve been getting a light tightness in my right chest, on & off. I’d had a chat with my doctor earlier this week and she’d mentioned that anytime now, I could choose to reduce the anti-inflammatory tablets I’ve been taking.
I’ve never been one to like to take tablets, so I took this new odd symptom as a good reminder and yesterday – I stopped taking the Diclofenac.
Then this morning I gently walked into town alone (about 1 mile) and part way in, I realised I didn’t feel “great” – I couldn’t clearly define what or why. Tingling, odd sensation in my foot/leg, general discomfort, rather than pain.
I realised I didn’t feel confident walking back ( up to now I have been noticing great improvements & am usually more than capable of walking that distance).
I was really unsure – were these physical symptoms I needed to heed or psychological ones because I knew I’d stopped taking the tablets for example?

I realised what I needed was a positive distraction!
my reason for walking in to town was already to meet a great friend for a coffee and once we’d caught up & spent some time together, I told her how I was feeling. I shared, more then I usually would, I told her I was worried about the walk home & was considering getting a taxi (!!!?)

Then, I took an important step for myself (excuse the pun!), I told her what help I would really appreciate. I asked her if she’d mind accompanying me on the walk home. (The opposite direction for her).

I knew, that if I had her company, I would manage the walk and wanted to prove it to myself – her company & support meant a lot and our conversation along the way, also provided a lovely distraction from my symptoms.

Day 52 #600DayDiary : Trust your instinct – make strong choices. #careerconfidence #choices #instinct

So, I’ve been back in the office for 8 days, I knew something was changing … I’d sensed it my 1st or 2nd day back, when my boss (who is excellent & i’ve learnt a lot from in the last 18 months) was sort of avoiding discussing some key projects with me 😉 He’d have a lovely chat about some of the general projects, his new house, or literature etc … just neatly avoid specifics on a key project I was leading in our team & interested to receive updates on.

I decided to choose flow, rather than force and adopt a positive & proactive approach : get on with what I knew were my priorities and schedule a 1:1 review with him for my 2nd Friday –
to allow enough time for any mystery to reveal itself 😉

I’ve been doing my best to leave the office on time the last 7 days, to take care of myself in this transition period, so today, as I was packing up to leave, I heard my boss approach and those fateful words “Have you got a minute?”

FLASHBACK to about 2 years ago, I’d been placed in a similar position. My prior boss had taken me to one side and said I was being offered a new role that if I took it would “put me in a favourable position for promotion next time around“. I asked how long I had to decide – they said they needed to know the next morning.
That time – 2 years ago – I said yes … I felt obliged, pressure, sense of duty, desire to help, I felt I SHOULD …whatever it may I have been, I said yes and the instant I did, I felt sick – almost as if in the act of saying yes, my body knew in its every fibre that I was going against my gut / my instinct. I noticed the reaction and said, “actually I need a minute”.

I took myself on a walk outside for 5 minutes, the knot in my stomach was still there and I knew clearly I did not want this job …. The problem was big corporate career machines generally prefer a better response than “I’m not sure why, my instinct is just telling me this really isn’t the job for me”.
I wanted to say “I didn’t apply for this job, so do I really need to give a reason?”
So, I found myself phoning a trusted colleague / coach at work, she was fabulous & took the time out for a quick coffee with me. I already knew what I had to do, she helped me knock the rough edges off my response 😉
By the next morning, I gave my response. The management were surprised, it went contrary to their expectations – why would someone turn down a role that promised clear promotion in 2 – 3 years time?
I wasn’t entirely clear either, however I just knew that particular move wasn’t the right one for me at that time.
Why am I sharing all this?
To demonstrate the value of experience and how we can build confidence in trusting our instinct, through experience & choosing when to take those steps into unknown.
And also that about 4 months later I was offered the role I am currently in …. after I’d taken the initiative to explore what new & different opportunities were out there and make it known which areas I WAS interested in.
It led me to this role where I get to speak Italian regularly at work (one of my passions) and I got to spend several months in Rome last year …… definitely not something I’d foreseen at the time of turning down the other job 😉

So, when faced with a VERY similar situation – this time I knew what to do … Listen & trust my instinct.

Even if you don’t know all the what/why/where/how 🙂
When do we ever truly have all the information about every choice we make?
All I know is, this time, I was made an offer – given 36hrs to decide (making me smile that the Friday 1:1 meeting I’d put in was perfectly timed & now became the career discussion meeting!).
I made the decision, guided by my instinct.
I feel happy & excited about my choice …. A much better feeling than sick 🙂
Let’s see how it unfolds 😀

Photo credits

Day 49 #600DayDiary : Value your value :) #Value

A common theme that emerged today was value … It seems to have come up in several conversations. Or was I just more attuned to it today? 😉

It began with a conversation in the morning with a member of my family. They were telling me about how they believed someone they did a lot for didn’t value particular things they did for them. I listened for a while & then I gently tried to ask questions ( perhaps it’s the natural Coach in me! ) – as what I was hearing ( in my opinion ),was someone who was seeking confirmation of their value – from someone else – rather than from themselves.
How many times have we all done that?

Then during the say at work, I had 2 or 3 conversations with people who brought up this very similar theme.
They felt demotivated, even slightly resentful, because what they were doing – wasn’t being valued. At work – we find that out through structured measured appraisals, where we are given a rating – and when that rating doesn’t align to how you feel it should – well then, it can trigger a strong reaction. I got into a longer conversation with 1 colleague about : how do your personal values compare to the values of the company you work for?

If the 2 are wildly different, then it will be much harder to receive recognition for things you value …

Ties in quite well to many aspects of this TED talk from Nigel Marsh on Work Life Balance
All these conversations, reminded me again that the key thing is for ourselves to be clear, confident & happy with our own values – so that what we do & how we do it feels right for us – then – even if we get feedback from corporate appraisal measures or social interactions that challenge our values – we are clear , happy & confident in the choices we’ve made.

My family member helped someone regularly check if the colours matched in their outfits – the other person was colourblind & without this check, would happily walk out unaware their clothes colours were mismatched. And that was the key here. The person offering help, could see the value from their perspective. The colourblind person, was unaware & happy either way – so they didn’t place as much value on the help they were receiving.
So, the next time you question if what you are doing is of value – make sure you are clear who you expect it to be of value to & that you would be happy to do it regardless 😀 because the only person who can truly know your value … Is you xx

Day 44 #600DayDiary : Shift your perspective, change your day.

Going back into the office this week, I expected it to be the physical tiredness that would be the main shock to my system

even though I’d been working from home, I guess I’d been working more on my timetable – so I found Mon – Weds pretty frustrating at how I wanted to nap the instant I got home & felt incapable of much more than preparing what I needed for the next day & then wanting to curl up and sleep!

What I wasn’t fully expecting was the wave of emotions – people sharing & physically feeling how tired many of them were. I was receiving comments about how relaxed & well I looked – and I was the one who had been in hospital & in pain … the impact of what they were saying wasn’t lost on me. The demands & expectations of our roles, our work, the deadlines, office politics – all came flooding back & well … Tuesday & Wednesday felt like the eye of the storm.

Thankfully, I had something pretty important to support me (as well as my lovely family) :
PERSPECTIVE
Keeping things in perspective, as well as reminding myself to take a moment to stop and shift. To see things from a different angle.

I suddenly realised I had been experiencing my day through ideas & emotions projected onto me by other people. Actually. My week had been pretty good. Monday night I’d gone out for a lovely catch up early dinner with friends

Tuesday I’d gone back to my bookclub and enjoyed the discussion (& been grateful for the earlier than usual finish), Wednesday I’d had a GREAT physio class & spent a lovely evening (& enjoyed another early night!) with family.
And by Thursday I was taking it more in my stride and enjoyed a fab catch up with a friend over a delicious indulgent hot chocolate, while we planned a party for later this year 😀

The 2 reminders I received today/this week so far:
1) when you are feeling more tired than usual, be more aware who you choose to spend your time with – energy boosting friends/colleagues – avoid the energy zappers until you have to/are back on full power 😀
2)

Day 41 #600DayDiary : Focus, priorities & putting your needs first @TEDxBrum @twiningsTeaUK

I originally started this post on Monday – 11th August – my 1st day back into the office, after a period of working from home due to an injury. I’m completing it today reflecting how I felt at that point … Although the week moved around pretty quickly 🙂 ❤

Today I went back into not this exact space, something fairly similar though

I got in early and before I realised I’d gone into office mode – I was checking emails, looking at meeting schedules, prioritising my day ….

Thank goodness, out of the corner of my eye, I spotted this

A box of herbal tea. I had begun my 1st day back in the office environment and had already forgotten my intention- to put my needs first.
It shifted my whole day 🙂 I went & made a cuppa, watered my neglected plants (thank you to the colleagues that had attempted to keep them alive 🙂 ) and wrote out the list of the many things that were flooding into my awareness, now I was physically in the office.
Then I went to chat & catch up with a few colleagues – to catch up & hear what had been going on for them – before taking another look at my list and choosing out of the many things I’d written, what I would selectively decide to complete that day.

It may sound very British – I allowed myself the time, with that cup of herbal tea to bring myself back to what I wanted from my day, how I wanted to go about it & who I wanted to be, while I was going about my day 🙂

Then I got home & spotted the release of tickets for a local TEDx Brum event in November – with a very interesting theme (see the cover photo of this post).
DIY felt very apt, on a day when I had done it myself – I had created my own intention & choice of how I wanted my day to go & I had achieved that …. With a little help from some camomile & peppermint tea 🙂

Day 36 #600DayDiary : Gratitude & perspective @shelleyamybeth

Ouch, so today was my hydro physiotherapy class and I can already feel it 😉
I am really grateful for it – exercising in the water boosts my confidence as I have a wider range of movement and enjoy being able to move more fluidly (apt word I guess!) 🙂
And after the class, I tried – for the first time in a while – to swim.
Now this may not sound like a big deal! However for me it is…. It’s been nearly a year now (on and off!) that I’ve had a go at swimming, only to find I’d kick my legs and not go anywhere. I bought a float, I’d try again … It would make me laugh at first and then … Well feel a bit disheartened (previously swimming strongly was something I realise I’d taken for granted!)
So, to swim backstroke for 4 lengths & then walk 6 more AFTER my physio class – felt excellent … And quite sore now!

This bring me back to – gratitude & perspective – they really came into my awareness today with this blog from Shelley Amy Beth

I’d heard of Shelley Amy Beth’s inspiring story when a friend shared it on Facebook back in June. I’d commented at the time (please read her blog, if you don’t know the background! Truly inspiring xx ) and unexpectedly I received a lovely reply to my comment – at a time when a reminder of keeping things in perspective & being grateful was very timely.
I have come so far 🙂 And, although I am still on a healing & re strengthening journey – it is SO much easier, faster & enjoyable when you approach it from a positive perspective – as with anything in life really!
I am grateful for so many things, including the gorgeous flowers currently in bloom in the historic pretty town I live in

and it motivated me to do another round of physio outside in the sunshine, on the grass, looking up at the blue sky, trees, lavender bush & bees 😀

So thank you again Shelley Amy Beth for inspiring me with the simple act of your gratitude & response & wishing you a positive healing journey including amazing life experiences along the way xx

Day 32 #600DayDiary : Looking forward to meeting …

It’s Saturday … How do you choose to spend your Saturday?
I guess it can be influenced by how you have spent your Friday night 😉
Are you an early bird? A night owl? A party animal? 😀

Last night was a friends leaving do. He’s a great guy & I really see him achieving professional success as well as enjoying life experiences – I wanted to join the gathering to wish him well 😀

I headed out late (10pmish – so British late, not European late 🙂 ) and we joined the group – I was quite impressed by how coherent they all were, given they’d been out since 4:30pm 😀

How does this relate to my theme today?
Well, I wanted to go out … However I was exhausted & in a bit of pain and discomfort. I guess I had overdone it and needed a quiet night in & rest … But I wanted to join Tom’s send off before he moved to London!

So … I tried on a few outfits. Some favourites, some ‘ole faithfuls’ and even a dress I’d only bought a few months ago, which at the time was pushing my boundaries!

As I tried these clothes on, I realised a lot of them no longer suited me or fitted me in the same way.

As part of my approach to getting better, I’ve been taking better care of myself holistically and well … I’ve lost weight 🙂 And, I guess a nice side effect of regularly doing my physio is that
I am still exercising in some form, every day! Ok maybe not high intensity – however – very regularly & with determination.

My shape is changing and last night I realised, my face shape is changing too.

So, in amongst the perennial question of “what to wear?” 😀 a thought crept into my mind …. I wonder what I will look like as this journey progresses and I continue & build up the levels of exercise – alongside my own nutritional beliefs & preferences?
Hence the heading ….. Looking forward to meeting …ME !

Gentle, gradual, fun evolution internally & externally …. I like that 😀

In the end I chose a dress I felt relaxed & feminine in. My intention was to join a celebration – mix with the crowd & wish Tom well.
So I chose more muted olives,browns & a hint of orange and a slight sparkle with a bracelet. I’ll save my fab purple dress for another time 😉

So Saturday? Well, I required to rest. I didn’t want to – I had ideas & plans … However (thankfully) I listened to my body. I rested. Caught up on a few things, did a GREAT physio workout 😀
At 5pm it was suddenly so bright & sunny, that I decided to go for a short walk … Bumping into a fab friend I haven’t seen for ages & meeting her lovely boyfriend for the first time.

Listening to your body, going with the flow …. Nice when we remember to do that instead of pressing on regardless! 🙂 xx

Day 31 #600DayDiary : Family time & great to see my sister so excited about her future :D

1st August, what will you enjoy this month?

July felt like lots of clearing & a bit of a healing rollercoaster 😀
I’m still healing & this is the phase to keep my expectations in check!
As mentioned in a prior post …. Gotta keep up with my physio each day, as I’m getting back towards “Claire power” 😀

A real blessing of this time has been my family, with our ups & downs – the fact we all deeply care, love & respect each other – is wonderful and we realise how blessed we are. We have our moments 🙂 Who doesn’t?
However, we ❤ each other and spending time together.
As I'll soon be going back to work full time & my dad starts a new job next week – we decided to have a full day off this week & go somewhere new.

The header photo of today's diary is my photo in the grounds of Blenheim Palace
A lovely relaxing day and the weather was kind. We sat on the terrace enjoying a coffee, basking in the late afternoon sun & watching some people setting up for a cricket match – all felt very civilised 🙂
You convert your day ticket into an annual pass, which makes it all the more relaxing – as we decided just explore the grounds at whatever pace was comfortable – enjoy a picnic lunch & we can always go back to visit the Palace itself in the autumn/winter 🙂

I used to love that when I lived in Paris – the Louvre is free 1 Sunday each month and so for the 6 months I lived there, I went 6 times and saw a little at a time – or some parts twice 🙂 Much more relaxing than zooming around thinking you have to see it all that visit! Hmmmm feels like a deeper meaning in there somewhere 😀

My sister has been away this week – staying with my brother, who helped arrange work experience for her in Birmingham.
It was soooooo great to see her tonight. Arriving back home bursting to tell us all about it and feeling clear she’s on the right path. She’s on a journey of her own and it feels so exciting to see her lit up like that – the magical caring person she is.

A great start to the month 🙂
Hope your August is starting well too xx